It’s Not What It Looks Like…

8 Mar

There is a phrase that says, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Basically, it means that different people find different things or people to be attractive. This goes for babies too – every parent thinks that their child is the most beautiful child in the world. I know that’s how I felt when you were born.

But there is one things that a lot of moms and dads-to-be do that I didn’t really do when I was pregnant – try to imagine what you’d look like. Sure, I wondered about the hair color and the eye color, but that’s about it. I marvelled over your profile picture that I received after your 20 week ultrasound, but even then, I just figured that you were you and you’d turn out how your were meant to.

The only thing I actively remember thinking is that I hoped you would get C’s eyes. His eyes are this really pretty green color, and one of them even has a brown spot in it, making his eyes very multi-colored. Sometimes they look blue in the sun and or dark hazelnut in darker lighting. I always thought they were very, very pretty.

It took your eyes a while to decide, but they are most definitely brown – the color of my eyes. Your eyes are a very rich brown color, like a dark honey, full of wonder. I have to say…I was so excited. I was so excited your eyes turned out to be brown. Actually, your eyes turned out to be mine, period. That what I always hear from other people – “he has your eyes.” I never get tired of hearing that, to be honest.

Of course, you are a compilation of both me and C. You most certainly have my eyes, but you have C’s mouth. The rest of you is just…you. Especially your chin – your little cleft chin has been popular from day one, and although I have a slight dimple and some members of C’s family claim that his grandfather had one, I think it’s uniquely yours. In the beginning when I would come to visit you, you would always look a little more like one of us – “He looks a lot like C today” or “I see a lot of you in him today.”

And funny enough, there are times when I think you look like E. In your Christmas card this past year, I look at E holding you and I could see a resemblance – something in the face shape or the smile, I don’t actually know. But I’ve always had a theory that the more time you spend around someone you love, the more you look like them. Or maybe The B’s love for you is just so powerful, it radiates in that kind of way. Who knows? But I have seen pictures of you and Sports Man as babies and you both look incredibly similar. It was obviously meant to be :)

But I’ll admit it – I love it when people say you look like me. I love it. In the end, I am fully aware that you are you and no one else, but I like to claim whatever parts of you that I can. I like being associated with something as beautiful as you. Sometimes, it’s nice to be reminded that even though you will never call me mom, I had something to do with your existence. I took part in creating you, in bringing you here.

I feel proud to have taken part in who you are, even if it’s just the eyes. It’s another way that makes me feel as thought I will always be with you even when I’m not, and we all know how much I like to feel as though I’m always with you.

And don’t listen to those other people with their kids…you so obviously are the most beautiful baby in the world.

One Response to “It’s Not What It Looks Like…”

  1. Peter F. Hartwick March 8, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

    The eyes are the windows through which the soul may be seen.

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