Mostly, this blog is about my son. He turned two this past summer. He has beautiful, curly blonde hair, the world’s best laugh and quite the adventurous personality. He has a thing for The Wiggles and loves football so much, he already knows how to throw one and yell, “touchdown!” He can recite his ABC’s, play Mario Kart on the Wii and his big, brown eyes are a carbon copy of mine.
My son also lives two hours away from me because he was adopted by a beautiful, loving family shortly after he was born.
I had my “little man,” as everyone in my support system called him when I was pregnant, at the age of 19. I was single, a full-time student, a part-time waitress and Little Man was quite the surprise. After working with Bethany Christian Services throughout my pregnancy, he was adopted by The B’s, the wonderful family I had chosen.
When choosing adoption, my main request was that it be an open one, so that I could watch my Little Man grow up, able to help him learn and love, but also just so he could know me, because after spending nine months with him, being without him would have been impossible. The B’s and I maintain the world’s best open adoption and I generally get to see him at least once a month. I feel so lucky, so blessed that our situation has worked out the way it has.
But every second of every day I’m not with him, I think about him. I look at the pictures of him that I have everywhere and I think of all the things I want to tell him. It’s been that way since the day we separated. So every now and then I would scribble little notes about things I wanted him to know – about me, about life, about love, about living. I wrote down things I wanted him to learn or remember. After collecting an assortment of these notes, I thought I might keep a notebook and give it to him when he got older…but then I thought that a love as powerful as the one I have for him (and his beautiful family) is one that should be shared.
So this blog is also about you, my lovely readers. It’s about everyone who is lucky enough to know and love my Little Man. It’s about parents who have their own little ones to love. It’s about being moms and dads and siblings. It’s about birth mothers and adoptive families who want to know they’re not alone. It’s about all of the things you feel like you should teach to your child, but being clueless as to where you should start. It’s about loving someone so much you feel like your heart could explode from trying to contain it all. It’s about losing people and missing people and loving people. It’s about finding yourself and so many others along the way. It’s about life.
And here’s to you, my beautiful baby boy, my Little Man, my darling Liam Hudson, for giving me mine back. You are my whole world. This is for you.
“To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart.” Phyllis Theroux