Tag Archives: birthday

On Your Third Birthday

22 Jul
Photo by C

Super excited about your balloons this past weekend :) Photo by C

Dear Little Man,

Today is a very special day — today is your birthday! Three years ago around this time I was getting hooked up in the hospital room and you were making your presence very well known every four to five minutes. Now, three years later, I’m sitting in my sunny apartment, drinking coffee, writing you this letter and (thankfully) not in desperate need of an epidural.

This is the first birthday I haven’t physically spent with you. I was there when you turned one, and I was there for part of your last actual birthday, but this year your birthday fell on a Monday — so even though I spent this past weekend with you, it feels a little strange not seeing you on this momentous day. Luckily, J solved that strangeness this morning: when I woke up, she’d sent me a video of you asking for me this morning.

“I want Nay Nay,” you said. “I want Nay-Nay to come to Liam’s house.”

Now I know it’s your birthday, but that video was probably the best birthday present I could have ever gotten.

So, on your third birthday, I want you to know something you will eventually get tired of hearing because I have told you (and will continue to tell you) so often: I love you so very much, I couldn’t be prouder of you or happier to be your mom.  The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. Even with the physical pain that preceded your birth or the sadness that followed it when you were placed, that day — July 22, 2010 — was just our day. A day when I only thought of you, no “before” and no “after.” Just you and me and your birth.

When you finally emerged, I remember listening for your cry to know that you were alright and being so relieved when I heard it. When I first held you to my chest, I remember that I counted your fingers and toes to make sure you had ten of each, fascinated by how impossibly small they were. But mostly, I remember seeing you for the first time. I remember when they lifted you up and I finally got to look at you, finally got to see the Little Man I had only felt, only imagined.

It took my breath away.

I was stunned. You were real. You were a person. You existed and I was instantly enamored with you. I have never loved anything so immediately or so fully as I loved you in that moment. It was the kind of moment that writers and poets and literary moguls describe as the moment when time slows down and everything around you just fades away. Everything but that one person that you instantly know you’re in love with. It’s true. I don’t remember what the nurses were saying. I don’t remember what my parents were doing. I don’t remember any of the other noises or sights. I just remember you. I remember seeing you, hearing you and just being…in awe. I was in awe of you — there’s really no other way to describe it. I was in awe but more so, I was in love, and I knew it without really having to know it. It was that instantaneous. It was that pure.

And it’s only grown since then.

I love you more and more with every day, every word, every step, every picture, every video, every visit, every smile, every laugh, every touch, every look. This day three years ago was the most incredible day of my life. Bringing you into this world will forever be the best thing I’ve ever done, followed by placing with with The B’s — the beautiful family that is celebrating you today just as much as I am. They are the family that knows exactly what I mean when I say how completely my love for you overtook me, because the same thing happened to them the first time they saw you. And now, three years later, we’re family. And we play and talk and care and hug and love, tied together at the center that is you. Who knew one little (adorable) blonde boy could create an entire family?

So today we celebrate you. We celebrate your birth. We celebrate that indescribable love we’ve had for you since Day One. And I celebrate that moment at 5:41 PM when I finally got to lay eyes on my beautiful, incredible son. When I finally got to fall in love with the boy instead of just the kicks and the ultrasounds. When I finally got to meet you.

You are my everything, Liam Hudson. Happy Birthday Little Man <3

Seconds after I first laid eyes on you. And so it began... :)

Seconds after I first laid eyes on you. And so it began… :)

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Your Second Birthday Pictures

12 Nov

Dear Little Man,

Today I realized that in a little over two months, you will be two-and-a-half. Almost half a year has passed since you turned two which is nuts since I feel like you were born yesterday. But what is also nuts is that you turned two in July and it is now November and no practically no birthday pictures have been posted (except for a few from the day after and a few that J took during your birthday safari ride!). And since I’m in a particularly picture-y mood today, I have decided that I am going to remedy that lack of photos riiiiiiight…

NOW. :)

(Forgive the quality…some of these are still shots taken from a video.)

J’s creative genius shining through yet again :)

The cupcakes on the table were delicious. I had two :)
Plus three. Shhh.

Bubble blowing…your favorite :)

Eating the bubble blowing stick…your second favorite.

Running to Pop-Pop at your party. I’m pretty sure it made his day :)

The “B” Air Hockey Team!

You make me giggle :)

Trying to catch the water. Solid effort.

You LOVED that hose. And you also got soaked.

Thirsty? You certainly were… :)

Spraying The Boyfriend after he squirted you with a toy. I am SO proud.

Luckily, you didn’t take revenge on me like you did on The Boyfriend…

E grilling up some burgers…and being a good sport while I filmed him :)

Um, DELICIOUS.

Blowing bubbles with me!

Another reason for your Super Cool Kid status: you fist bump.

Your new “trator” :) you still ride that thing around. Steering is still a mystery, but I think we’re getting there…

Sports Man teaching you how to drive. I see this happening again in about 14 years…

A travel size Little Man. This was my ploy to bring you back to New York with me ;)

You are an awesome high-fiver. The Boyfriend got a kick out of it.

Ohhh, that smile…

You can almost hold an aluminum baseball bat! Sort of…kind of…I love this photo anyways :)

Hitting a baseball with a bat, golf-style. I think I fell even more in love with both of you that day :)

Giving you tips, working on your game, you know…normal “guy talk.”

Again with the world’s best facial expressions…

Giggling with my guy :)

I love this look! And you :)

I can’t wait until our next weekend-long adventure. Although the outdoor water activities might have to wait until the spring. I have no doubt we will find entertainment elsewhere :) Two-and-a-half year olds are surprisingly good at creating entertainment out of nothing…

xoxoxo

 

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The Adoption Papers

24 Jul

Two years ago today, I signed your adoption papers.

It was my last day in the hospital. You were born on a Thursday and I’d spent all day Friday with you, but Saturday, we had to go. My social worker from the adoption agency was there, along with the hospital social worker, the interim care mom, and Pop-Pop and Grandma M.

I’d seen the papers before —  my social worker had shown them to me in one of the many meetings I had with her before you were born. She wanted me to get acquainted with them, read them over, know where I would sign and what exactly I was signing. I hated those papers. It felt like signing a document that said, “Yes, sure, take my child away from me.” In the back of your mind and at the bottom of your heart you know that you’re doing it because it’s what’s best, but at the time, it just feels so wrong.

I hadn’t let you out of my sight since you were born. From the moment I saw you, I never wanted to stop looking at you. You were perfect, this little miracle that I had somehow managed to create, and I was just in awe of you. We had visitors — Aunt S, Uncle J, even your Godmother’s mom stopped in to say hi. Looking back, it’s a miracle they got to hold you. I’m surprised I let you out of my arms even for a second. But out of my sight? Not a chance. If I only had a couple of days where you were 100% completely and truly mine, I was going to keep you with me the whole time. You are an excellent snuggle buddy, by the way.

But when it came time to sign papers and make everything official, I really refused to let you go. I held you the whole time, signing my name where I was supposed to, giving you kisses every spare second I could, mostly crying the whole time. I felt like I was just…letting you go, and it was the worst feeling in the whole world, only rivaled in intensity by the following few days during which I became a total recluse, cried all the time and probably scared the daylights out of The B’s by being totally incommunicado. But it all started with those papers, signed two years ago today. I’ll never forget it.

But the beauty behind all of that pain two years ago is that two days ago, I was busy playing with you. Over the weekend we devised a new game that you call “Rock:” it mostly just involved me rocking your stuffed animals in a glider while you laughed and watched from your crib (did I mention that you are easily entertained?). The beauty is that two years later, you know my name and we play games and we laugh together. The beauty is that I have an entirely new extended family that I love being a part of, a family brought together by your ever-wonderful existence. We’re all intertwined, forever a part of one another’s lives. I hated those papers at the time, but I will be forever thankful for what they brought me.

Especially because they brought me things like this:

Drinking out of the hose with you!

Just takin’ an outdoor shower ;)

With our families on your birthday tractor ride!

Yes, your hand was in that cow’s mouth…

…but you thought it was the coolest thing ever.
Photos by J

Little Man Turns Two!

23 Jul

You turned TWO yesterday! And lucky me, I got to spend the whole weekend with you. Friday when I got there, we played all night. We went to your party Saturday (so ridiculously fun…I’ll tell you all about it!) and then played outside for the rest of the afternoon.

Sunday, your actual birthday, I woke up early — before you (I know…I was shocked too). I tiptoed into your room, sat in the rocking chair across from your crib and just watched you sleep. All I could think about was how your entire body used to be the length of what your legs are now, and how two years ago, at exactly that time in the morning, my water had just broken and I was thinking about how I was going to get to meet you soon. And then (after 11 not-so-pleasant-but-totally-worth-it hours of labor) I did! And now you’re two and I couldn’t be more in love with you or your family.

It’s the miracle of The B’s and the wonder of open adoption that let me sit there and just watch you sleep yesterday morning. I couldn’t be more thankful or feel more blessed that I have the opportunity to know you and watch you grow. I needed that opportunity — once I discovered you (seven months before you made your debut), being without you would have been an impossibility. I wanted what was best for you, but what we have has always been so much more. From the beginning, our situation has been the best thing that could have happened to me. You are my love but you have brought me my family, and I love you all more than I can say. I am one lucky lady.

And YOU are one adorable (official) two-year old — and trust me when I say that I have a ton of pictures and countless videos from our weekend adventure to prove it. Stay tuned, Little Man :)

I’m a Comin’!

16 Jul

The official statistics are in. It’s been

– 73 days since I saw you last (Boo!)

 

Which is

– 73 days longer than I like to go without seeing you

 

But now we have

– Six days until your second birthday

Four days until I see you

– Three days until I fly down there

 

Not that I’m counting.

 

But maybe I’m not the only impatient one…

So I have decided that this video (thank you E!) means that you’ve just been missing me like crazy and you can’t wait to see me again. Don’t worry buddy…I understand the feeling :)

Guess What…

13 Jul

 

 

 

…and the rest of my beautiful family :) I can’t wait!

One + Two = Twenty

22 Jun

 

Do you see that adorable, 10-day-old baby? That’s you (shocking, right?). You know what’s more shocking? In exactly one month, you’ll be two years old.

I love that you’re getting bigger and learning more, I really do. My only issue is that you’re turning two, but it seems like you just turned one. And when you turned one, it seemed you were just a newborn. So my concern is that in the blink of an eye, you’re going to be three. Then four. Then 20.

But right now, you’re still a baby because you haven’t made it to two yet. But even when you do, I’m going to be thrilled. I’m going to sing and dance and play with you and thank God I got as lucky as I did having you in my life. I’m going to celebrate and laugh, because it’s impossible not to when I’m around you. And also because now that I think about it, I’m still going to call you my baby when you’re 20 anyways.

28 Days… :)

Little Man Can Sing!

30 May

The day after a big birthday is kind of like the day after Christmas – you’re coming off a high, and the anticipation of the big day is gone but luckily, you’re left with a lot of gifts to distract you from that. However, being pretty far away from most of my close friends and family on my 21st, I only got three real gifts.

The first is my ability to purchase alcohol for the rest of my life.

The second gift I got was my job, and true to form, it certainly distracts me because I’m busy all day long. I’m one of those silly interns who is so unbelievably excited to be an intern. The only reason it’s silly is because not that many people get super excited to do a whole lot of grunt work for no money at all. But your mom is a nerd sometimes. I love it!

The third gift is my favorite though, because it’s from you and The B’s. A big hug goes from my heart to J’s for thinking of this and sending it to me. Yet another wonderful reminder of how beautiful open adoption can be. I can’t tell you how many times I replayed it. Over and over and over again for half an hour at least, probably more. I love you so much Little Man. Thank you for song! It absolutely made my birthday a perfect day.

 

Big Day in the Big City

29 May

Me on my 19th birthday, two years ago. With you :)

Guess what, Little Man? Your mama turns 21 today! Yes sir, I am officially the big 2-1 (well…as of 6:11 p.m. tonight technically). You can tell that I’m a mom when it comes to birthdays now because every time my birthday rolls around, I actually think about my mother – I wonder where she was on this day 21 years ago, what was going through her mind, if it’s crazy to her that the tiny baby girl who once fit inside her is now turning 21, living in NYC and has a little one of her own.

Birthdays are a big deal to moms. We get so lost in the excitement of birthdays, in planning parties and celebrating that sometimes we forget that the our moms are the reasons we have birthdays, and that they mean just as much to our moms as they do to us. I know that on your first birthday last year, all I could think about was where I was the year beforehand – that my water broke at 7:00 a.m. That at 11:30 in the morning I finally got my epidural. That you were born at exactly 5:41 p.m.  Maybe after 21 years I’ll stop time-travelling back to the day you were born, but I’m sure I always will a little bit. It’s crazy to me that you’ll be 21 someday. I’ll have to call up Grandma M and ask her how she feels today.

But today is a big deal for another reason – I start my first “big girl” job today with iVillage, part of NBC. I’m interning all summer for their Pregnancy, Parenting, Love and Sex sections. Needless to say, they have me working pretty heavily in the Pregnancy and Parenting section. But that’s wonderful to me. As much as I love relationships and sex (not something you want to know about your mother, I’m sure. Whoops!), doing daily work and research on pregnancy and parenting is a constant reminder of you. Of course, a reminder is unnecessary – even if pictures of you weren’t already plastered on my walls or placed on my desk or featuring as the background to my phone and my iPod, thinking about you every day is natural. You’re a part of me. What can I say? :)

So yes, today is a big day for me. It begins a lot of firsts and will hopefully open many, many doors so that I may one day be able to pass on the inspiration you give to me onto other people. I may do the writing and I may do the work, but you are the cornerstone. You are the necessary component to my drive, to my inspiration. We’re going to change the world someday, you and I. With you as my inspiration, J as my partner, my many friends and family as our support, and the wonderful people who take the time to read your letters, we are going to make a difference in the world. One person at a time.

But this change doesn’t start today. It started one year, ten months and seven days ago. It started with you – you and your beautiful family, all of whom have taught me what it truly means to love and be loved. You may not actively support me (because you’re two and you don’t know what that word means) but you have helped to get me to where I am on this momentous birthday of mine – interning in a city that you only see in movies, at a job doing what I enjoy, working with content I truly love and care about. Today, I am luckiest girl in the world. I love you, and even on the big, busy days, you’re always on my mind – reminding me of the good I’ve done, making me smile.

Knowing that I have you and The B’s is the best birthday present imaginable. My day is already off to a wonderful start. Let’s hope that I end up being really good at my job and my day stays that way :)

Lucky Number Twenty

22 Mar

Happy 20 month birthday Little Man! Twenty months ago today you were only about seven hours away from making your debut into the world.  It doesn’t even sound that far away when I say it – only 20 months ago. Crazy, right?

However, I only have for months before I officially have to start calling you a “two-year-old” – I’ve been putting it off for a while. I keep calling you “one-and-a-half” or “20 months,” avoiding the age of two for as long as I possibly can. Sadly, it’s becoming unavoidable. Also, sometimes it’s just easier to say, “My son is almost two” rather than any month-type calculation.

I have celebrated every “month birthday” you’ve had since you were born. Through your entire first year especially – three months, six months, eleven months and all the months in between and after. I marked all of them in my calendar and when they came around, I would call my parents, post it on Facebook and tell all my friends. I was always super proud when you hit a month milestone – partially because it was mind-blowing that you were that big already and partially because I love bringing you up in conversation for any reason I can.

However, I sense that I am coming to the end of that era. Once your kid hits two-years-old, it becomes a little awkward to say, “Oh, my child is 30 months old today!” So I guess I’ll have to get over my aversion to the fact that you’re growing up and start officially calling you my two-year-old. It has a nice ring to it, so I’m sure it won’t be that tough. I still think of you on the 22nd of every month, and I’m sure I always will. That number will always be inextricably linked with you for the rest of my forever.

But I hope you have a wonderful 20 month birthday doing fun 20 month old things. Maybe E can take you for a ride on the “at-too” or something :) I love you!

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