The first time I set you as the background to my phone was after your 20 week ultrasound. Your profile shot (as you can see in this letter) was what I saw every time I turned my phone on. By the time you can read this cell phones will probably have been replaced with some super version of a Smart Phone, so you won’t have any idea what I’m talking about, but you have been my phone background ever since that day. Right now when my phone lights up, there is a picture of you sent to me by J. You were sick last month – high fever, runny nose, coughing, the whole shebang. I’ve seen you a couple of time when you’ve been sick…it’s the saddest most pitiful thing I’ve ever seen. I want to be gifted with magical powers that heal you with hugs and kisses every time I hear you’re sick.
Anyhow, when you finally got better, J sent me a picture of you with the caption, “Look who’s feeling all better!” You’re wearing a little blue vest with a striped blue shirt and have the biggest smile on your face. It makes me happy every time I see it. And since I look at my phone a lot in one day, I get nice little snapshots of you multiple times a day. I brighten up every time I see it.
I look at pictures of you a lot. I definitely lucked out by finding a photographer to be your mom – I certainly never have to worry about whether or not your childhood is being documented. Plus, then I get lots of pictures to wallpaper my apartment with!
You have no idea how a picture of you can just turn my day around. I’ve had plenty of times where my day has been less than great – a less than great grade on a quiz, a guy who’s being a jerk, a bad day of dealing with people at work – and I get down on life. But then I come home and you’re on my fridge. Your most recent photo shoot with The B’s for you Christmas card is on my wall and my dresser. You’re on top of my desk, you’re in the bookshelf above my bed – photos of you from the day you were born to today.
Looking at you, knowing that I have you, I remember that I’ve already done one of the best things I am ever going to do with my life. I remember that I am always going to have you – you are always going to be in my life, you are always going to be my baby boy no matter how big you get and I am always going to be proud of you. Watching you grow up has been so much fun – I have never been so excited to hear the ABC’s or to watch someone take a few steps. You breathe life into my life. You are more than just my son, you are my reason for so many things.
You remind me that I have a purpose. Because sometimes, I get lost. I change my mind a thousand times about what I want to do when I graduate college and I go back and forth in my confidence levels about what I want to do or what I’m doing. But then I remember that I am a mother.
I go on bad dates and I get disappointed by guys I thought were great who turned out to be huge let-downs. But then I remember that I already have the love of my life. I already have a boy I’m madly in love, a boy I would do anything or be anything for.
You bring me peace and comfort when I feel like I’m running out of it. You bring me home.
Thank you for reminding me of all of the wonderful things I am, especially when I start to forget. Also, you’re the background on my computer too. Just so you know, I’m looking at you as we speak.
Miss you <3