Tag Archives: Birth mother

Pearly Whites

3 Jul

Apparently you are very into oral hygiene these days. Gotta keep those pearly whites shiny for the ladies, huh? :) Also, your toothbrush lights up when you brush. I believe that officially makes you the coolest almost-two-year-old around.

I will say that I almost had a heart attack thinking that you were actually tall enough to see over the top of the counter (you’re not…you’re standing on a stool). That sounds ridiculous to most people — who’s two-year-old would be tall enough to see over a counter top? That’s silly to even assume when you look at a picture like this!

But you’re also wearing clothes that Sports Man wore when he was three. So I’m not putting anything past you.

17 days!

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The Best Adventure

26 Jun

One day, you are going to learn what “Pinterest” is. Why are you going to learn that? Because J and I are obsessed with it, so it’s inevitable. It’s a site full of pictures — of food, people, places to travel, everything you could possibly photograph — and you know how your mom and Ilove pictures.

While perusing Pinterest the other day, I stumbled upon a photo that reminded me of you. I just wanted to share it with you, to remind you of all the joy and wonderful things you have brought to my life. You have certainly been a journey, and I can’t wait to explore the world with you some more ;)

24 days!

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30 Days, 30 Ways

20 Jun

I have down time at my internship for the first time since…ever (it turns out digital media is rather hectic. Who woulda thought?). And since I think about you the whole time I’m here – partly because I have pictures of you hung above my desk and partly because I read about babies and kids all day – I just wanted to use my free time to tell you some really exciting news…

I get to see you in exactly one month! Eee!

Just thirty days and you’re all mine for the weekend. So I thought that – in honor of those (hopefully) super short 30 days – I would do one of my favorite things: think about the many, many reasons you light up my life. So here it goes: 30 reasons I love you in honor of the 30 days until you’re in my arms. I can’t wait!

I love…

– How you call me “Nay-Nay”

– Your smile

– How photogenic you are

– That your eyes look like mine

– Your little “toddler walk”

– That you’ll still let me carry you every now and then

– What a kick you get out of climbing up and down the stairs

– How every time someone claps, you say, “Yay!”

– How intensely you focus on the toys you play with

– How you like to play the same games over and over, and they never get old

– How much you love tractors

– The dimple in your chin

– How I can only make out two or three words when you talk to me, but you keep babbling. It’s adorable.

– How you’ll eat anything

– The face you make when you eat lemons

– How you always seem excited to see me

– How smart you are

– How much you’ve grown

– Seeing pictures of you and I together

– When you blow kisses

– How you always give me a good-bye kiss when I leave at the end of a trip

– How you brought me to The B’s

– Your laugh. It’s the best sound in the world.

– How easily entertained you are

– How just thinking about you can turn my day around

– Your beautiful blonde hair

– How peaceful you look when you fall asleep

– How fearless you are

– How curious you are

– How no matter what, I’ll always be your mom and you’ll always be my Little Man

I have a million more – no exaggeration. Luckily for me, I get to spend the rest of my life telling you every single one.

I miss you and The B’s like crazy. See you soon, handsome. I’m counting down :)

All of the reasons wrapped into one :) I love you.

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Words Are Like Nets and Bubbles Are Like Love

13 Jun

You have no idea how in love with that smile I am. I’m using my lunch “hour” to stare at it – and wouldn’t you know, it’s making my day better! I really needed a pick-me-up today and even from a distance, you and The B’s (especially J, who took this picture) always know how to get the job done.

You know, when I think of how much I love you, I think of this quote by one of my favorite authors, Jodi Picoult: “Words are like nets – we hope they’ll cover what we mean, but we know they can’t possibly hold that much joy, or grief, or wonder.” I hope that the words I write to you can convey how I feel for you, but I love you so much, I don’t think they’ll ever be able to. I’m gonna give it my best shot though :) I can’t wait to play in some bubbles with you – one month and a week to go!

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I Miss You Extra

7 Jun

 

Happy Thursday handsome man! I don’t have any quirky stories to tell today (well, I do because you’re just a quirky little guy), but today I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I’m always thinking about you, always wishing I was with you, always wanting to be by your side.

I hope you are having one of the best days with one of the best families I know. I wish I could explain how lucky I feel to have you but I’d run out breath before I ran out of things to say. I hope that one, you understand how madly in love with you I am. You’re my everything. I miss you extra today. I can’t wait to see you again my beautiful boy. Forty-three days and you’re all mine. I can hardly wait.

No matter where you are or what you’re doing, you’re always on my mind. I love you so, so much. I will never let you forget it because I’m going to spend the rest of my life reminding you.

Yours forever and ever and always,

Nay-Nay

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If You’re Happy and You Know It…

1 Jun

Reason I Love You #28: You have the best smile in the whole wide world. I remember when you started to smile all the time, I couldn’t take enough pictures of you. This is one J sent to me. The two bottom teeth just kill me. I absolutely love it. It’s impossible to look at this picture – and your adorable, smiling face – and not feel happy.

Of course, when you started to laugh, my new goal in life was to do whatever it took to make you giggle, since I’ve already told you that your laugh is one of my favorite things ever – and I do mean one of my favorite things ever. But even when you just smiled and made gurgling noises, I was in love.

You still smile all the time. You laugh at silly things. And I’ve gotten pretty good at making you giggle, so I feel accomplished in life. But the reason I love your beautiful smile and your wonderful laugh is because it means you’re happy. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you – to be happy. So every time you give me or J anyone else a huge grin like that one, I truly feel accomplished, like I’ve finally done what I set out to do. That’s one of the reasons why I chose adoption in the first place – so that you would never have to worry or struggle, so that smiles and laughter were all you knew of life for as long as possible. And with a family like The B’s, it’s impossible not to be that way. They are the best thing that’s ever happened to me (aside from you) and they’ve helped to make you into the happy baby you are and for that I’m eternally grateful.

I hope you keep on smiling. Even into your “terrible twos.” But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it…

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The Beginning of You and Me: Our First Photos

31 May

Last night, I was thinking about the letter I wanted to write you today. I figured since I’m so picture-and-video-happy all the time that I would try to find some of the first pictures and videos I have of you. So I began the search through folders upon folders of pictures on my laptop, on USB drives, in e-mails I’d been sent by The B’s,everywhere.

Then I realized that Grandma M actually took our first photos together. She was my “labor coach” I guess you would say. She held my hand through the pushing, was the one who reminded me to breathe, who whispered words of encouragement when it was getting really hard (I love you, but I did not love labor. I take that back. I loved my epidural).

So when you finally arrived and my hands no longer needed to hold anything but you, she grabbed the camera and the official documentation of your life began. It has yet to stop. I doubt it ever will (because J would never let it, and I love her for that). I’m so very happy that I got to be a part of those first pictures with you. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so at peace in my entire life than I did when they put you on my chest. Because our first pictures weren’t just pictures of us – they were pictures of the moment the best part of my life began.

 

Copying me? :)

 

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Our Beach Trip Pictures

28 May

These are just a few of the many. I tend to get very picture-happy around you…

(Click on one and they get bigger and you can scroll through :) )

You and The B’s started off my summer in the best, most perfect way possible. I can’t wait until our next adventure, Little Man. And thank you, Uncle Kevin, for lending us the beach house!

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Adoption and Christmas Morning

24 Apr

I’m pretty sure this is the first picture The B’s ever saw of you. I took it with my phone the day after you were born and sent it to E’s phone. J said your chin was one of the first things she noticed too.

I really wish I could have been there to see them get that photo. It’s kind of like Christmas – you like getting presents, but you’re almost more excited to see the reactions of the people you bought presents for. I would have loved to have seen their first glimpse at you. But I got to be there the first time they saw you in person, and it was very cool. I got most of that day on film.

My excitement over sending them this picture reminds me of the beautiful side of adoption. Of course, the beautiful side is the side I have always seen, but there were times when the thought of adoption would make me cry, just at the thought of losing you. But I never did lose you. I never will, thanks to The B’s.

The side of adoption this picture reminds me of is the giving side. Babies and children that go up for adoption are these beautiful, angelic answered prayers. They aren’t” just babies” or “just kids.” They are miracles. 

I spoke at an adoption convention for Bethany Christian Services a little less than a year after you were born. I was the only birth mother on a panel of adoptive parents and we were all asked to share our stories. Every single adoptive mother, father and family cried telling their stories. They cried because they were so grateful. They were so happy and felt so blessed to have their adopted children in their lives. These children were dreams come true for them and their happiness was so uncontainable, it couldn’t possibly fit into words. No matter what these parents had to do – no matter how long they had to wait or how much pain or sadness they had to endure, they stuck it out. Because to them, miracles such as yourself are worth more than all the pain in the world.

I know that you are an answered prayer for so many people in so many different ways. You are a gift. You came into this world destined to bring love not just to me, but to so many others. And to me, that is the beauty of adoption, especially an open one like ours. Love is spread. Dreams are realized. Prayers are answered. All because of one, tiny person that one brave woman was willing to share. I’m so glad I did, too. You were – and are – much too special to have kept all to myself.

If it were possible to thank the actual concept of adoption, I would thank it for allowing love to be spread like that. But most of my thanks is to you, for bringing joy to the lives of many, for being a ray of hope and happiness to all of your families.

You’ll have to ask your parents about that picture one day, and their thoughts and reactions when they first saw it. I’m sure it really was just like Christmas morning :)

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Facebook + E-mail = A Lifetime of Love

21 Mar

J posted this picture today and I immediately fell in love with it. People can say what they like about technology and how it’s taking over or how it’s bad for us, but I’m loving it because I can get on my computer and find things like this. I honestly don’t think I can convey how in love I am with this picture. So much is contained in it – how happy you look, how much Sports Man loves you, what it has truly done for you to have a brother…it’s beautiful to me. Like I said – what makes you happy makes me happy.

I know that I’ve told you multiple times that J always sends me pictures and E always sends me videos, but it means so much to me that they do. Even if it’s on Facebook for all of our friends to see or sent to me in a private e-mail, I just love getting so see or hear about what you’re up to. They update me constantly with the goings on of your life. It’s even better because I know they don’t do it because they feel obligated – they do it because they want to share your life with me. They want me to watch you grow up and do cute things. Even if it’s not entirely about you, I just like hearing from them period. I feel so blessed to have become such good friends with the family I chose. A family that I consider my family now.

I remember being so worried, when I was pregnant and considering adoption, that I would miss so much. Your first steps, first words, all of the other adorable things babies do when they’re growing up…I was so afraid I would miss them all or hear about them way after the fact. Happily, I got very lucky with The B’s. I see you so often I don’t feel like I miss anything. And when I’m not around, I get pictures and videos and text messages and e-mails. I don’t feel like I’ve missed a thing and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I think that’s a good tip for potential or actual adoptive parents who have relationships with the birth mother: the smallest things about you – what you’re doing, the things you like, silly things you do – are things that’d we’d love to see or hear about. A picture here and there, a small update on how your favorite food has changed from grilled cheese to hot dogs, anything at all…just knowing about it or seeing it can make our day. All birth mothers love their children – it’s why we choose adoption. I understand that it may be more difficult for some to deal with than others, and without The B’s, I know it would have been even more difficult for me. They have made adoption so much easier than it could have been. They have made it so easy for me to show you how much I love you, and for that, I owe them everything.

I’ve decided I’m just going to love them forever. Hopefully a lifetime of friendship and caring and love will be a good place to start :)

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