Tag Archives: Growing up

Mama’s Makin’ a Change

30 Jul

This summer, I’ve been interning. It’s one of those lovely things you do to try to integrate yourself from college-world to real-world (not MTV style. Also while, we’re on the subject, never watch The Real World. Ever.)

During this wonderful, amazing, incredible experience of interning, I’ve been doing a lot of research — one of the many tasks I’ve been given. And the cool thing about this research is that a lot of it is researching blogs. Lots of parenting blogs to be exact. It’s been eye opening, let me tell you. Everyone has a different style. Everyone has a different voice.  Lots of people have some seriously cool photos. Some people have interesting advice while others have humorous anecdotes. But all of the blogs are about the people who write them, the people they love and the people who read them.

That last sentence probably shouldn’t be an earth-shattering realization. But it kind of was (no judging my slow uptake…you may seem on top of things at the age of two, but you probably inherited it). So, after coming to my not-so-novel conclusion, I’ve decided that I’m going to be adding something to your letters — a little bit more of me.

I started these letters because I didn’t want you to go through a single day wondering whether or not I loved you. It’s a common birth mom fear…that as you grow, our choice will seem less like a sacrifice (which it is…wow, let me tell you) and more like “giving up.” And the last thing I would ever want you — my sweet, gorgeous, incredible baby boy — to think is that I gave up on you. I never have and I never, ever will. I love you entirely too much. While you may no longer be literally linked to me, my lifeline is intertwined with yours; what hurts you, hurts me and what makes you smile, makes me the happiest girl in the world.

But I also want you to know me. And every now and then, I just want to talk to you about what’s going on and what I’m doing and how I feel and why it makes me think of you, or how I wish you were here to see something I really want to show you. But I generally don’t, because I think to myself, “That’s not the point of the letters. These are about him, not you.”

But then I realized you are 50% me, and that maybe one day — if I’m lucky — you’d really want to know me.

I also realized that I am the writer, and you are who I love and the people who read about us are the people that love and adore us both (well, maybe just you. You’re more photogenic and you’ve got the whole “I’m-a-baby-and-therefore-automatically-adorable” thing going for you). And since these are my letters to you, I can put in them whatever I’d like. And what I’d like is for you to really know me, as deeply and as much as you can, because that’s how I plan on knowing you: wholly, completely, entirely, truly.

So just a heads up, you’re going to get to know me very well. I’m determined. I’m also very talkative and thoroughly enjoy talking to people who have yet to develop the ability to tell me to shush.

A.k.a you :)

I love you. Thinking of you always.

Why yes, I’d love to hold you :) anytime.

We’re so gonna be BFFs. I can tell.

You got a kick out of spraying me with water. It was adorable. Also, when did you learn how to aim accurately?

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Pearly Whites

3 Jul

Apparently you are very into oral hygiene these days. Gotta keep those pearly whites shiny for the ladies, huh? :) Also, your toothbrush lights up when you brush. I believe that officially makes you the coolest almost-two-year-old around.

I will say that I almost had a heart attack thinking that you were actually tall enough to see over the top of the counter (you’re not…you’re standing on a stool). That sounds ridiculous to most people — who’s two-year-old would be tall enough to see over a counter top? That’s silly to even assume when you look at a picture like this!

But you’re also wearing clothes that Sports Man wore when he was three. So I’m not putting anything past you.

17 days!

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One + Two = Twenty

22 Jun

 

Do you see that adorable, 10-day-old baby? That’s you (shocking, right?). You know what’s more shocking? In exactly one month, you’ll be two years old.

I love that you’re getting bigger and learning more, I really do. My only issue is that you’re turning two, but it seems like you just turned one. And when you turned one, it seemed you were just a newborn. So my concern is that in the blink of an eye, you’re going to be three. Then four. Then 20.

But right now, you’re still a baby because you haven’t made it to two yet. But even when you do, I’m going to be thrilled. I’m going to sing and dance and play with you and thank God I got as lucky as I did having you in my life. I’m going to celebrate and laugh, because it’s impossible not to when I’m around you. And also because now that I think about it, I’m still going to call you my baby when you’re 20 anyways.

28 Days… :)

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30 Days, 30 Ways

20 Jun

I have down time at my internship for the first time since…ever (it turns out digital media is rather hectic. Who woulda thought?). And since I think about you the whole time I’m here – partly because I have pictures of you hung above my desk and partly because I read about babies and kids all day – I just wanted to use my free time to tell you some really exciting news…

I get to see you in exactly one month! Eee!

Just thirty days and you’re all mine for the weekend. So I thought that – in honor of those (hopefully) super short 30 days – I would do one of my favorite things: think about the many, many reasons you light up my life. So here it goes: 30 reasons I love you in honor of the 30 days until you’re in my arms. I can’t wait!

I love…

– How you call me “Nay-Nay”

– Your smile

– How photogenic you are

– That your eyes look like mine

– Your little “toddler walk”

– That you’ll still let me carry you every now and then

– What a kick you get out of climbing up and down the stairs

– How every time someone claps, you say, “Yay!”

– How intensely you focus on the toys you play with

– How you like to play the same games over and over, and they never get old

– How much you love tractors

– The dimple in your chin

– How I can only make out two or three words when you talk to me, but you keep babbling. It’s adorable.

– How you’ll eat anything

– The face you make when you eat lemons

– How you always seem excited to see me

– How smart you are

– How much you’ve grown

– Seeing pictures of you and I together

– When you blow kisses

– How you always give me a good-bye kiss when I leave at the end of a trip

– How you brought me to The B’s

– Your laugh. It’s the best sound in the world.

– How easily entertained you are

– How just thinking about you can turn my day around

– Your beautiful blonde hair

– How peaceful you look when you fall asleep

– How fearless you are

– How curious you are

– How no matter what, I’ll always be your mom and you’ll always be my Little Man

I have a million more – no exaggeration. Luckily for me, I get to spend the rest of my life telling you every single one.

I miss you and The B’s like crazy. See you soon, handsome. I’m counting down :)

All of the reasons wrapped into one :) I love you.

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Lucky Number Twenty

22 Mar

Happy 20 month birthday Little Man! Twenty months ago today you were only about seven hours away from making your debut into the world.  It doesn’t even sound that far away when I say it – only 20 months ago. Crazy, right?

However, I only have for months before I officially have to start calling you a “two-year-old” – I’ve been putting it off for a while. I keep calling you “one-and-a-half” or “20 months,” avoiding the age of two for as long as I possibly can. Sadly, it’s becoming unavoidable. Also, sometimes it’s just easier to say, “My son is almost two” rather than any month-type calculation.

I have celebrated every “month birthday” you’ve had since you were born. Through your entire first year especially – three months, six months, eleven months and all the months in between and after. I marked all of them in my calendar and when they came around, I would call my parents, post it on Facebook and tell all my friends. I was always super proud when you hit a month milestone – partially because it was mind-blowing that you were that big already and partially because I love bringing you up in conversation for any reason I can.

However, I sense that I am coming to the end of that era. Once your kid hits two-years-old, it becomes a little awkward to say, “Oh, my child is 30 months old today!” So I guess I’ll have to get over my aversion to the fact that you’re growing up and start officially calling you my two-year-old. It has a nice ring to it, so I’m sure it won’t be that tough. I still think of you on the 22nd of every month, and I’m sure I always will. That number will always be inextricably linked with you for the rest of my forever.

But I hope you have a wonderful 20 month birthday doing fun 20 month old things. Maybe E can take you for a ride on the “at-too” or something :) I love you!

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Handbooks, Risks, and What No One Tells You About Growing Up

9 Feb

“Because I said so” is a famous line said by all parents at some point when they are challenged by their kids. Not my parents, though. Whenever I questioned my mom and dad’s parenting authority with an “oh yeah?” or a “says who?” my parents – your grandparents – would always say to me, “It’s in the parenting handbook.”

I am sorry to tell you this, but your grandparents are dirty liars. When you were born, you did not come with a handbook as promised. I had you, a bunch of diapers and some formula, and with only that, I was supposed to transform into a parent. While I did successfully learn to change a diaper (eventually), the rest has been a make-it-up-as-you-go kind of a thing. Therefore, I have decided that when your grandparents referred to their “handbook,” they were actually talking about the rules they made up as they went along. And now that I am a parent I can’t help but think…

What a wonderful idea!

So here is my first piece of advice to you, straight from my very own parenting handbook – take all of the chances, risks and opportunities you can.

It feels cliché for me to say that, but I continually forget that everything “cliché” to me is brand new to you. That is actually how you have helped me to take the advice I just gave you. People frequently say that their children keep them young and it’s true – seeing the world through your eyes is like seeing it as this new, exciting phenomenon where everything is something worth discovering.

Honestly, I have just started taking my own advice which is why I wanted to give it to you now – taking chances and risks and opportunities is the best way to live life. It’s another way of saying do the things you want to do and don’t be afraid to live.

As I’ve gotten older, I have been more and more surrounded by practicality and I hate it. While responsiblility is necessary and I do admire it and hope that I embody it in some way, always being responsible and always doing the practical thing will take the fun out of life.

Right now, at the age of 20, I’m supposed to know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I’m supposed to have my career nailed down and preferrably, it’s supposed to be a lucrative one. I’m supposed to get in and out of school with my degree as fast as I can so that the real world can fully take hold of me and I can finally be “an adult.”

I never want you to think that.

I want your life to be as fun as humanly possible. I want you to do the things you love. I want you to experience life as fully as you can, and to do that, you have to try not to be afraid. And most of all you have to take chances – go to Europe for a month even though you’ll be broke when you get back. Try out for the basketball team even if you’re not the tallest. Take a summer internship in a far away city even though you’ve never been away from home for that long. Stay out late with your friends even though you know you’ll be tired in the morning (only if you have your parents permission to stay out late, of course. Also, don’t do this is your friends are knocking over liqour stores).

The experiences you have and the memories you make will be worth every penny, every minute of missed sleep, every minute you spend worrying about whether or not you can do it. One of the best feelings I’ve ever had is doing something I wasn’t entirely sure I could do. That’s why chances and risks can be so fun – looking back at them and knowing you accomplished them comes with the knowledge that you can do whatever you set your mind to, and that is empowering. And if there has ever been a little boy who has had a brave, adventerous, I’m-going-to-carve-my-own-path personality, it is you. You are already famous for falling down and getting right back up, and I find that I’m already proud of you.

So from here on out, do the fun things. Do what it takes to enjoy your life. And every now and then, do the things that scare you. And if they scare you a lot, know that I am always here to fall back on. No matter what you do, I will always be part of your support system (your very extensive support system).

After all, it’s in the handbook that I love you no matter what. It’s also in the handbook that I like chocolate for my birthday and that you be a Patriots fan. But for now, and forever, you only have to remember the first part.

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