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My Baby Love, Oh Baby Love

15 Apr

The restaurant at my work has a motto. It goes, “Don’t drink the water at This Restaurant.” Not because there is anything wrong with the water – because ever since I started working there, there has been at least one pregnant girl working at the restaurant. Up until one of the other waitresses had her baby about a month ago, we had three pregnant employees. It’s been like that ever since you and I showed up on the scene at That Restaurant. We can only assume it’s something in the water.

The first girl who had a baby after you were born was your Aunt A, another good friend of mine. She is a total sweetheart – super nice, extraordinarily beautiful and now, one of the best moms I know. Luckily she had a little girl the December after you were born) so we didn’t have to fight over the Cutest Boy Title.

Her little girl, Zoie, is one of the happiest babies I have ever met. She loves smiling, she laughs at everything, she loves exploring, and she has no fear, kind of like you. Not to mention that she is beautiful, just like her mother.

So, I just wanted to let you know that your worries are over! You will never have problems with the ladies because your Aunt A and I have it all worked out – you’ve been promised to Zoie since before she was even born. Many a mom has tried to claim you for her daughter since then, and I tell them all that you’re already taken. Aunt A already calls you her son-in-law, and I’m super excited for Zoie to be my daughter-in-law. Even J approves :)

You finally met Zoie last Thanksgiving. You were down for a visit with The B’s and we had just gone to see some ginger bread houses. Aunt A and Zoie drove over to my parents house and you and Zoie played with a little toy kitchen together. You kept taking her pacifier and putting it in your mouth and you called her “baby” since she was smaller than you. She just kind of looked at you and smiled the whole time. We all joked that you were already a solidified couple – already “swapping spit” and calling each other “baby.” Sounds like a legitimate couple to me!

We’re hoping to get the two of you together someday soon and have J take some pictures, if for no other reason than just because it would be the cutest photo shoot ever. Even if you don’t grow up to be with Zoie, we’ll always have the pictures to make all of your other girlfriends jealous. If you find the right girl, she’ll look at the pictures and laugh and say that you and Zoie made a cute couple.

Or you could just marry Zoie and it will never be an issue :)

I love you, baby boy. I hope you’ve had a wonderful day, and I can’t wait to see you in a couple of weeks. I’m counting down!

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A Letter from Dad

12 Apr

Yesterday, I got an e-mail from C. He had written me a letter – he told me that he’d been reading the letters I write to you. He reread the ones he’d already looked at, and read the new ones he missed, and they moved him, and he wanted me to know that he loved me for it. It was a nice surprise! Then, he wrote a letter to you.

Funny thing is, I was thinking about C the day before he e-mailed me. I was wondering what he was up to, where he’d been, how he was. I almost called him, but I got caught up in school work and forgot. Then I woke up yesterday morning, and I had e-mail from him. I thought to myself how it interesting it was that we were linked like that. Like I somehow thought of him strongly enough for him to feel it and respond – a cosmic connection of sorts. Then I realized our “link” isn’t so strange – it’s you. I get to keep the first love of my life in my life forever because of you. Not in the same way, but in a way that’s just as good. My first love is now my family. Not many girls get that lucky.

So, Little Man, this is a letter from your dad :)

—-

Dear Little Man…

I have so many things to say to you, so much love to give and so little space to do it all. But first I want to take a second and tell you that if you are close to Renee while reading this, hug her and give her a great big kiss on the cheek. If she’s away, doing whatever amazing things it is she does nowadays, call her and tell her you love her. She loves you more than life itself, as I’m sure you can tell from these letters. And while I know for a fact that you love her, I also know that a hug from you can make any day amazing, and who knows, she may need it today.

With that said I want to tell you I love you, more than I can show. I’m the kind of guy that might have the occasional difficulty with letting the most important people in his life know how important they are, but I never, ever, ever, ever want you to doubt the fact that I love you and am so proud of everything you are and will be.

About three months from the time I’m writing this, you will be two years old. That amazes and blesses me. It blows my mind how much you’ve grown since the first time I saw you when I visited The B’s at their home about a month after you were born. It also amazes me that as little bitty as you were, that’s the first time I remember noticing that you reminded of my Grandaddy, your Great-Grandaddy. And still there is something I see in your eyes every time that makes me think of him. Maybe it’s the way your hair grows out all curly like his, or the fact that I know how much he would love to know you and so loves you now, even though he’s gone. Sometimes I like to think that when he got to heaven, he might have seen you getting ready to come down here and smiled, knowing that you would be an answered prayer and blessing to The B’s, and a blessing in disguise to me and Renee and our families as well. We were both so scared when we found out you were on your way, but through all the tears and mountains of fear, I would never trade the life I get to have watching you grow into the man you will be for anything.

I’ve always had this crazy little dream of being a musician, and until you, that dream was all about me. But when I met you and fell in love with you, it became about you too. I wanted to achieve my dreams more than I ever had before. Maybe because I want you to be as proud that I am a part of your life as I am that you’re a part of mine, or maybe because I want the whole world to hear about you in a song someday. But I want you to know that through all the guitars I play, all the songs I write and all the shows I perform, you are always on my mind. My dream has kind of changed from being a big successful musician to one day hearing that you were riding in the car, on your way to school and you asked J or E (who both have amazing musical tastes by the way) what song that is on the radio, and they were able to say, “That’s C playing for you.” That to me would be more success than any amount of money could ever buy.

About two months ago Renee gave me a Hope Box that she painted and filled with little things. It was supposed to be a present she made for me after she found out about you, but she held on to it until this year :) Well when I got it, it was filled of things that reminded me of my dreams: guitars, big cities and great songs, but it was also filled with things that reminded me of you. I immediately added to it your little hand print from your first Christmas. About a month later you and The B’s came for a visit, and I had this pair of sunglasses that I bought in Nashville and loved. Well as soon as I picked you up to hug you that day what did you reach for? My glasses. They were bent up before anyone could even try to get them away from you, and I have never been happier. You kept giving them to me and getting me to hold them on your face because they were too big for you, and every time they fell off you would laugh that famous laugh you have. I didn’t care about the glasses – you were so happy and having so much fun with them, and so was I :) As soon as I got home that night they went in my box as a little reminder of how amazing it is to see you smile.

Well, it’s late and I have to work in the morning so I believe I’ve rambled long enough. My little “note” has turned into a book I’m afraid. I love you Little Man, more than I love myself, even more than I love music, and nothing in the universe can change that. Ever. Hug and kiss The B’s for me!

With Love Forever and Always,

C

The first time C ever saw you :)

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A Weekend at the Orchard

11 Apr

When you were almost two months old, The B’s came to my hometown and we all went apple picking together. The orchard we went to was actually on a mountaintop and it was a beautiful September afternoon.  I’d never been to an orchard before, and – quite obviously – neither had you. The fact that it was on a mountaintop only added to the beauty of it. It was a first for both of us.

I had so much fun. When The B’s got there, they immediately handed you over to me and I got to carry you around in your little Baby Bjorn the whole day. You slept most of the time and we had a little hat to cover your head, but your little chubby legs stuck out the bottom of it. I played with your feet a lot.

Aunt S came with us and she helped Sports Man pick out his favorite apples. The orchard was laid out so that trees with the same kind of apples were lined up in rows, so you knew where to look for your favorites. If I had to pick one, I’d probably sad Red Delicious were my favorite, but quite honestly, I still can’t tell a whole lot of difference between different apple types, even though I love them. I’m pretty sure I ate more apple doughnuts that day than I did actual apples anyway (I’ll bring you back one day because you have to try those doughnuts. They’re incredible).

There was a part of the orchard where they kept animals, too. We walked through the woods to a lake and you could buy a handful of food to feed them. Sports Man got a kick out of that part. Towards the end of our orchard trip, we all curled up under the shade of a giant tree and ate some of our goodies (doughnuts!). J and I laid you out on a blanket and just looked at you and played with you and talked some. Back then, we were still getting to know each other. Every now and then we reminisce on those times and it’s so funny to us how far we’ve come since then. Comparing how close we are now to how little we knew then…it certainly has been a journey. A very, very fun one.

After the orchard, we met up at the restaurant where I work, and we all ate there. It was the first time anyone at work had gotten to meet you – you were a hit. Everyone loved you; they still do (quite a few of your Aunts work there). It was the first time I ever really got to show you off, and you know how I love to do that. You got a little fussy during dinner, so I took you outside and bounced you around until you fell asleep. I didn’t even need food – I would have walked around outside with you all night. People who walked by kept complimenting me on you, saying how cute you were, how sweet you were. I smiled and said thank you, enjoying my little, stolen moment of parenthood. I danced around with you as I rocked you. I sang a little bit (it’s not really anything you want to hear). Mostly I just whispered that I loved you over and over again.

I was a great weekend. The next morning before you left, C and I got together with The B’s really early and had breakfast at your hotel. Every visit, especially those early ones, are such wonderful memories of spending time with you and getting to know The B’s. We learned so much about each other and with every visit we had, the more we wanted another one. We almost never left one visit without planning the next. As they left that September, I knew I would down visiting you three weeks later for Sports Man’s birthday party. That was one of the many things The B’s did to try to make the adoption process as easy on me as possible – planning out the next visits, so I always knew when I would see you again. And it really did help. I think that’s what helped me heal as fast as I did. I never had to feel as though I “lost” you. They never let that happen.

You always give me something to look forward to. And now, I rarely have to wait. We’re all so in love with each other, I hear from The B’s at least a few times a week. I love them. I love the memories I have of the trips we’ve taken and the visits we’ve made. I still have my Liam-sized apple (as we deemed the itty, bitty apples) to remind me of that trip. It’s held up really well – just like everything else.

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Little Man, Chubby Cheeks

10 Apr

Everybody has their favorite thing that they love about babies: their tiny hands, how soft they are, the chubby legs. Grandma M has a thing for baby feet. I just like how miniature everything is – a teeny, tiny version of everything that I’ve become used to. It’s no secret that I love how small you are, and that you getting bigger is incredibly fun, but always just a little bit sad. One day I’ll probably seem miniature to you (the men on C’s side of the family are ridiculously tall).

Of course, I think every part of you is adorable. Everyone may have their favorite thing they love about babies, but I love everything about you. It comes with the mom territory. I remember after you were born, when everyone called or texted and asked me how you were, and every time I replied, “He’s perfect.” Because to me, you are. That has yet to change, and frankly, I don’t see it happening anytime soon. Or ever.

But I will tell you something I extra love when it comes to you besides your adorable – albeit temporary – miniature size: your cheeks! I know, baby cheeks are popular with a lot of people so I’m not exactly being original, but you have some of the best chubby cheeks I’ve ever seen. Sports Man did too actually. Of course, I didn’t know him when he was in the “chubby baby cheeks” phase, but I’ve definitely seen the pictures and he had some great ones too.

Your baby cheeks were very kissable. These days, you are an expert at blowing kisses, but unless I’m playing a game with you where I make kissing you part of the game (sneaky, right?), giving you a big kiss will set you squirming or running in the other direction. Luckily for me though, I got in tons of cheek kissing when you were itty bitty a.k.a before you could crawl or walk. You’re still relatively itty bitty, and I sneak some kisses in whenever I can.

The other day, I ran across the picture I had saved on my computer which started this whole thought process about your (incredibly adorable) baby cheeks. Your cheeks are still super cute in their mini perfection, but you’ve got more of a little boy look than a baby look going on these days. And even though I miss your super tiny, itty bitty days, do you know what the cool thing is?

I still think you’re absolutely perfect.

Matching brothers :) Gotta love those cheeks!

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Already a Ladies Man

9 Apr

Hopefully, you know that you are loved like crazy. And the beauty of open adoption is that you have the chance to be loved by twice as many people. You’re loved by two moms, two dads, eight grandparents, six first cousins, and there’s no way I’m going to try to count second cousins.

 What I love most though is how many Aunts you have. Not the literal kind though – the only legitimate aunt you have is C’s younger sister M. I mean the Aunts who deemed themselves members of your family before you were ever born, because long ago, they deemed themselves members of my family. I’m talking about my closest friends, friends who have loved you since I showed them your ultrasound pictures, friends who clamor to see you every time you’re in town or ask to drive down with me whenever I go to visit you.

 I would truly be lost without my friends, your Aunts. They mean the world to me – they support me, they listen to me, they talk to me. We swap stories and laughter, stay with each other through happiness and sadness. We love each other unconditionally, just like family. My friendships with these girls have withstood tests of time and trial and distance and strife. We fight but we make up because we can’t stand being mad at each other. The B’s are a beautiful example of how friends can be family just as much as your actual family can. These girls are no different.

 My closest friends are your Aunts S, J, NYC, and Russia. Your Aunt S came with me to almost every doctor’s appointment and a few of my child birthing classes. She and Aunt J came to the hospital when I was in labor. When Aunt J got the call the I was at the hospital she flew out of the house in the first outfit she could find without so much as taking a shower. Of course, then she sat there for five or six hours until you were finally born, but she likes to tell the story. I almost slept over at her house the night before you were born. If I had, my water would have broken all over her sofa. It would have made for a great story, but I would have been a little bummed – I love that sofa.

 Aunt J is actually your Godmother, on my side of things anyway. She actually got an owl tattoo on her back, so that you’re with her everywhere she goes too. She spent a large majority of my pregnancy with me – we liked to say that she had “sympathy cravings” because I always took her with me when I wanted food. We went to Bojangles a lot…I had a thing for the fries. You’ll have to try them someday.

 Your Aunt NYC has actually never met you, because she lives – take a wild guess – in New York City. She was the first person I called when I found out about you. At the time she was living in NC, so the next day she took me out last-minute Christmas shopping with her mom and we talked and she hugged me and made me laugh and let the shock wear off. She sends you stuff all the time – she sent you baby clothes after you were born and tries to plan visits to The B’s place every time she’s in town. She follows all of your pictures on J’s Facebook.

 Aunt Russia loves babies. End of story. She always comments on how adorable you are and she goes out of her way to visit you every time you’re in town too. She and Aunt S and Aunt J came down to The B’s for your 1st birthday. She takes a bunch of pictures of you and – back when you still let people hold you – she would snag you every chance she got. As you may have guessed, she’s Russian. Well, Belarusian actually, which means she’s stunningly beautiful and crazy tough. Especially where you’re concerned – she could and would scare the daylights out of anyone who was treating you wrong. She’s almost as protective over you as I am, and that’s saying something.

 Aunt S actually came to live with me when I was pregnant. She slept downstairs with me when my stomach got big enough to move me out of the twin bed upstairs to the full size futon downstairs. She came to the appointments and the classes, she showed off your ultrasound pictures like they were her own, and she left me a voicemail congratulating me on having a boy before I actually had the ultrasound that proved it. She was the first of my friends to meet The B’s and they still love her dearly. She still shows off pictures of you like you’re her actual nephew, because honestly you are. That’s what she calls you when she talks about you. She’s ridiculously proud of you, just like me. And just like me, you mean the world to her too.

 I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that my friends are a part of your life. And the best thing is, I know they always will be. They’ve been there for me for years, and sometimes I swear they’re starting to love you more than they do me. We love you so much and we will always be here for you. Because if there is anything that these beautiful, wonderful women are good at, it’s giving constant support and endless love.

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Happy Easter Little Man

8 Apr

You and Sports Man on your first Easter in 2011!

 

Happy Easter, baby boy! I hope you are having a wonderful time celebrating this miraculous and joyous day with all of the people who love you so dearly. I know I love you more than I will ever be able to convey with words, and I wish I could be there today to see you in all of your springtime glory. I wish a happy Easter for the rest The B’s as well – they are certainly one of the best gifts God has ever given me. Save an Easter egg for me, Little Man :)

 

You this Easter :) Thank you J

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The New Cary Grant

7 Apr

In your lifetime, you’re probably going to hear a lot about Cary Grant. He was a very popular actor in the mid-1900’s, starting on Broadway and then playing multiple roles in a wide variety of movies. If you boil it down, he has four basic trademarks: his mid-Atlantic accent, his “handsome bachelor” role that he played in a majority of his movies, his frequent appearance in romantic comedies, and the dimple in his chin.

Which brings me to Reason I Love You #18: The dimple in your chin.

I’ve told you before that it was the first thing I noticed about you after you were born. The lifted you up to where I could see you and your chin was the first thing I saw. It was one of my first two thoughts I had after you finally made it out: number one was that you were crying and I’d always heard that a crying baby means a healthy baby. So when I heard you cry, I knew you were safe and alive and those were the most important things. Thought number two was, “He has a cleft chin.”

It has been wildly popular ever since. Even I hear a lot about your chin – people always comment on it. They think it’s adorable, mostly because it is. You wear it very well.

The best thing is that it’s a 100% Liam thing. There are no dimpled chins in my family – I have the slightest depression in my chin, but you can only see it if the lighting is right so I don’t think it counts. And as far as I know, no one in C’s family deals with dimpled chins either. It’s just a “you” quality. A Little Man trademark. Something completely and totally unique, just like the rest of you.

So it’s true, I’m in love with your cleft chin just like everyone else who knows you. I love that it’s the first thing people notice, I love that it was one of the first things I noticed, I love that it’s just yours, I love that it looks perfect on you. It’s a small thing, but sometimes it’s the smallest things that matter the most. I love you for a million small reasons and in the end, they add up to the most powerful kind of love I’ve ever had the privilege of experiencing – that’s a lot to be said for the “little things.”

I’m fairly certain your chin is not something you’re going to grow out of – you’ll have the Cary Grant dimple for the rest of forever, and I think it’s wonderful. Only after you, they’ll probably rename it the Liam Hudson dimple. After all, you’re already way cuter than Cary Grant ever was.

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Babies and Beaches

6 Apr

I officially get to go to the beach with you this summer!

One of E’s uncles has a house in Charleston and The B’s rented it out for the week after my last week of finals. Grandma M, Pop-pop 3 and even Aunt S are all coming down for the week. I couldn’t be more excited. Aside from the hospital after you were born and your birthday weekend, this will be the longest time I’ve gotten to spend with you. That may sound surprising, but considering how often I get to see you, and all of the pictures and videos I get when I don’t see you, I never feel like we’re apart for too long.

You’ve been to the beach before. Actually, that’s where you went immediately after your adoption was finalized. The B’s were in the middle of a beach trip with family when all of that happened, so they came down and stayed with me for a day and then drove right back out to the water. They took you back down to the beach again in October later that same year, and I know you’ve been at least once since then. You were obviously meant to be a beach boy.

I love the beach. I always have. It’s the picture of relaxation I visualize when I’m stressed. It’s the place I try to go at least twice a year. It’s the place I dream about when I’m not there. I love the sound of the crashing waves, and I absolutely love the smell – there’s nothing else like it. I like swimming in the ocean or reading a book on the beach or sitting out on a porch or balcony at night as the sun goes down. And now I get to share all of that with you :)

That’s what I’m most excited about for this beach trip: spending time with you and The B’s. Of course, I’m going to love the water and the sand and the smell, but it’s going to be a hundred times better with all of you there. Hopefully, I’ll get up with E and we’ll have coffee like we always do when I visit. J and I will talk and laugh and cook together (a.k.a I’ll stir or chop something…that’s safest for all of us). I’m definitely planning on burying Sports Man in the sand with only his head showing – your Aunt S and I going to give him the body of a mermaid. Shh!

But I also can’t wait to see you in your little bathing suit, running around the beach house or playing in the pool. I want to see what you think of the sand or if you like swimming. I love it when I get to learn new things about you, and being with you at the beach will be one of those chances for me. But mostly, it’s just the time I’ll get to spend with you. I’ll get to love on your for four days straight. It’s the best end-of-the-semester present I could have ever gotten.

Not to mention all of the video footage I’m going to record and all of the photos J is going to take. If there’s anything I love more than spending time with you, it’s committing that time to memory forever. Then again…I don’t think there is anything I love more than spending time with you. You are the best thing in the whole world. I can’t wait to be a beach bum with you, baby boy.

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The Perfect Book

4 Apr

For the past little while, I’ve been thinking about a book. I couldn’t for the life of me remember what it was called, but I remembered that it was very short – a children’s book, I think – and it was about a mother and her son. Something about how she loved him a lot and held him all the time, and then when she got older, he held her instead. The illustrations have been popping into my head every now and then, but since I couldn’t remember the book, I gave them little thought. I would just smile when the images came to mind, and that would be that.

Until today.

Sitting in my school library just now, I found the main part of the book inscribed in tiny print on a wall. They weren’t finished, but after I read the first line, it all came back to me. I remembered the book, what it was called and what it said. I’m still a little stunned that it happened – that the main part of a book about a mother and son that I’ve been thinking about recently just pops up on the wall next to the chair I decided to sit in today. It’s cosmic almost, don’t you think? Just perfect.

The main part goes like this: “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”

The words on the wall only go as far as, “…as long as I’m living…” but I knew the rest. Of course I did.

And now I’m about to cry in the library. Because it’s too perfect, so perfect for you and I. This book, Love You Forever, is perfect for any mother with a son. It’s about a mother loving her son through all of the years, through his many phases in life, through thick and thin. Just loving him forever, no matter what, exactly the way I plan to love you.

This little inscription on the wall is yet another way I think a certain Big Guy Upstairs makes sure you’re with me everywhere I go. I just don’t have any other explanation for things like this, or for people like The B’s, or for luck like I had in finding them and having you. It has to be God who makes things like that happen.

I’m glad I finally remembered the name of the book. I read it for years as a kid, and it’s so interesting to look back and realize that I had no idea how much it would come to mean to me. And now I have my own little boy. And I’ve snuck up on you and held you in the night when you were sleeping, just like the mother in the story did. I know J has too. We can’t help ourselves…we’ll love you forever, we’ll like you for always, as long as we’re living, our baby you’ll be.

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Our Miniature Mister Mischievous

3 Apr

According to J, you fell out of your crib this morning. Apparently you tried to climb out all by yourself instead of waiting for her to come get you. It didn’t end well – you may be ahead of your time, but you’re about as coordinated as every other two-year old. Which, of course, means not very coordinated. You fell pretty hard and cried.

Of course, in hearing about this, I think of your crib. And right now, in my mind, it’s hundreds of feet off the floor and it’s a minor miracle that you survived a fall of that magnitude. Welcome to the mind of a mother.

But after this, J makes a mention of a toddler bed. I’ll quote her directly, “I am so not ready for the toddler bed.” Now to be honest, I had to Google “toddler beds” because I had no idea what they were. I didn’t even know they were a type of bed until today. Basically they look like regular beds only a little smaller and with half railings along the sides. Actually, they look kind of cool, like a fort only in bed form. Sports Man has really cool bed similar to this – his actually has a tent over it. I sleep in it when I come to visit you. It’s totally cool.

Now J’s aversion to the toddler bed might be partially due to the fact that you can get out of it whenever you want to. While this sounds like a plus when compared to you trying to get out of your crib today, it also means that when you don’t feel like taking a nap, or when you wake up in the middle of the night and decide you’re bored, there is nothing keeping you in your bed or even in your room anymore. And considering your tendency towards the mischievous, freedom like that might be a little too much freedom. I love your independence, but I also don’t have to deal with you stealing Glad ware or climbing on counter tops (which, as much we’d rather you not do that, we still tend to find endearing).

But I think another reason J might not be ready for your toddler bed is because it officially makes you a toddler. And if you’re a toddler, then you’re no longer a baby. And if you’re no longer a baby then that means you’re growing up and I’m not sure if we’re okay with that. We love watching you learn and develop and change, but we also love the days when you weighed 7 lbs and we carried you everywhere. Sometimes it feels as though you were born yesterday, which would make your need for a toddler bed improbable. But I suppose if I have to choose from you falling out of your crib or being an official toddler, I’ll go with your toddler phase. But you see, one of themanyperks of being your mother is that I reserve the right to call you “my baby boy” forever. Which I will. Even when you’re in high school…and college…and when you get married…

Anyhow, I hope you’re feeling okay after your fall today. You’re as tough as they come, so I’m sure you’ve made a full recovery, unlike J who is probably still picturing you crying on the floor. Another point I’d like to make: I really, really love J. She’s the wonderful, beautiful sister I’ve never had and always wanted. And as much as I love your crazy independence (which you totally get from me), I love her just as much. So if your could maybe not give her a premature heart attack, I would really appreciate it :)

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