Letters to Little Man

I am sick.

I’m a highly pitiable sick person too. When I talk, it sounds like I’m holding my nose – which I’m not. However if I don’t hold my nose, it runs like a faucet (delightful visual, I know.) I have been detained to my couch per the request of The Boyfriend. I am wrapped up in blankets, alternating between drinking tea and ice water, waiting for mac n’cheese to cook. My bedside table looks like the Cold & Flu aisle of a CVS. It’s delightful.

Today, two hours away, you received your first, “Liam, get out of my room!” from Sports Man. So while I’m deciding whether to take NyQuil or Theraflu, you’re having your first “brother” moment. I heard about it from J, but I can only imagine the real deal. I can almost hear it from here.

Our lives may be a little different right now, but I’m always thinking of you. And if I’m not thinking of you, it because the NyQuil has kicked in. But that’s not my fault.

You sick.

Me sick. So not as cute. And so not a flattering picture. 

Ending this letter with a picture of you because you’re so much more adorable than me :) You make me proud of 50% of my DNA.

Little Man is sharing one of his letter from me with you! So I just wanted to say, keep your chins up. We (the birth moms) are hoping to find you just as you’re hoping to find us. You are not alone.

Check it out this beautiful and inspirational post by Infertility Awakening: Duck, Duck, Swan :)

Strong woman, beautiful writer, destined to be an amazing mother. I’m sure all of you potential adoptive moms out there can relate to the former…and certainly the latter.

Love,

Renee and Little Man

The stats for your two-year check up are here! Well…like a week ago or so. But you should still know that at 2-years-old you are…

• 36 inches tall (Three feet. THREE. Stop it.)
• 34.6 pounds (They recommended The B’s cut down on your portion sizes…I say there is no such thing as too many “dot dogs”)
• You are in the 75th percentile for height and the 95th percentile for weight. You overachiever you :)

Your measurements (you were 95th percentile for height!) when you were a little over two months old. Also, STOP GETTING BIGGER.

I saw a video yesterday that reminded me of something I wanted to tell you.

So just so you know, I’m proud to be your mom no matter what you do. I will support you through all of your ups, downs and in-betweens. I will be proud of every little thing you accomplish.
But this video was just so sweet that I had to share it. To every mom (and dad) who knows how it feels to be deliriously happy just because their kids are. No feeling in the world compares to feeling proud of you. So next time I brag about something small (like the fact that you can walk up and down the stairs all by yourself now!), keep that in mind :)

I took this picture on our last day at the beach. Conveniently enough, the ocean was at low tide and a giant tide pool had formed, just deep enough for your short little self to enjoy. J and I spent a while gathering shells for you – we would set them in a pile next you as you stood on the edge of the tide pool, and you would pick them up and chuck them as hard as you could into the middle of the pool. You actually have a pretty good arm! You could probably play baseball, although I recommend using that arm for a solid football career if you choose to go the sports route. Sorry, I’ve never really followed baseball. I promise I will if that’s what you want to do, though :)

Anyhow, after quite a bit of shell tossing, you went out into the ocean with E while J played with Sports Man and I walked with Grandma M along the beach a little ways. Eventually we all ended back up in the tide pool, in the very shallow part. You had discovered that wet sand is alotof fun to play with. You had a little red shovel and you would shovel some wet sand and fling in it various directions. Most of it landed on you, but again, you’ve got quite the arm so some of the sand really got some distance. It was actually very daring of me to take my camera out within a 5-7 ft. radius of you.

But you were covered in sand and totally oblivious to how incredibly dirty you were, and I couldn’t resist. I’m really glad too. I got some good shots. Plus any opportunity to forever capture your cuteness on film is one I’m going to take. You may get older and some day be taller than me, but your miniature, almost two-year old self covered head to toe in wet sand will be preserved forever.

I printed this picture and have it sitting on the window sill of my apartment in NYC. I’m always thinking about you. But – even though I did change your diaper and your outfit after that beach outing – luckily, I am not always in charge of cleaning you.

So the coolest thing happened to me yesterday. I saw you!

Now of course, you didn’t fly up to NYC and I didn’t finally get the hang of teleportation and end up in North Carolina. I’m mostly a Skype girl, but I do have an iTouch and Apple makes this nifty thing called FaceTime. FaceTime is basically video chatting between iPods, iPads, iPhones, etc. By the time you’re old enough to read this, technology will have probably advanced way beyond video chatting, but right now it’s fairly revolutionary. I’m loving it, especially since I’m way up in NYC and many of the people I love are still in NC. Including you :)

Last night I went to an early dinner with my Aunt for her last night in town and on my way home, I was texting J. She had sent me a couple of pictures of you and I was commenting on your hair (which is long and curly again! Yay!) and how big you were and she was saying how crazy it was that you were going to be two years old in two months. Right about the time I got to my apartment, she asked if I wanted to FaceTime with you right before you went to bed.

I’ve only tried FaceTime a couple of times before. Mostly, Sports Man and I would FaceTime whenever I would come to visit you. That’s right – we would only FaceTime when we were in the same room with each other. We would have very wonderful, meaningful conversations too. But we hadn’t done it in a while, so it took me a minute to find the app and log on.

But when I did, there you were! You took a very long look at the iPod, probably trying to figure out how I was there or talking to you. But when you saw me you smiled and laughed. After a few minutes, you were even calling “Nay-Nay!” to get my attention so that you could show me something. Apparently you’ve learned how to fall down on purpose (because you just weren’t doing it enough accidentally) and every time you would run around your crib and “fall down,” you would say, “Whooooa!” It was partly ridiculous, partly hilarious, and completely adorable. You blew me kisses and when it came time to say the final good night, you even gave the screen a real kiss.

I loved my mini-Liam visit. Just getting to see you in action, in real-time, being your goofy, crazy, adventurous, wonderful, handsome self just makes my day. J and I have agreed to try to do it fairly often, so that way I get to see you and talk to them even though I won’t actually get to visit until your birthday weekend (I’m definitely flying down for that – no way I could miss the big 2!) Every time that you recognize me and call me Nay-Nay, my heart does this melty thing and I experience my own personal little victory. That’s one of the main reasons I chose open adoption – so you would know who I was, so I could be central enough to your life that you considered me to be a recognizable part of it. I’d say mission accomplished.

Also, apparently there’s a way to take a picture of your screen when you’re on an iTouch or iPhone. Can’t say I’ve mastered it, but I gave it my best shot. I love you, baby boy. And yes – you will be baby boy forever. And ever. And ever.

I remember reading somewhere that a cute idea is for moms to let their kids pick their outfits and then pin a little badge to their shirt that says, “I dressed myself today!” I always thought that would be an adorable idea for you – the I-can-dress-myself phase of toddler-hood is always a fun one to witness. You are no exception, but in a very unique way…

I quite honestly have no idea how you do this, but the other day I realized that I have a series of photos of you in this little mix up. Somehow you either seem to get your arm twisted in the shirt or you just leave one arm out of your shirt altogether. It actually looks like it might take skill to get yourself in that situation. I couldn’t be prouder :)

I love how you make me laugh, Little Man. Not only are you the love of my life, but you provide the entertainment for it as well. That makes me one lucky girl!

And don’t worry about the shirt thing. Sports Man will teach you how to do it correctly one day, I’m sure. What are big brothers for? :)

Hey Little Man! I hope your having a wonderful day filled with all of the things an almost-two-year-old could dream of. I am alternating between classes and the library on campus, trying desperately to finish 10-page papers, study for finals and turn in all of the other little homework in between. Every now and then I like to sleep and eat too, but those are more luxuries than they are necessities at this point. If you look back at this letter when you’re in college, I have a feeling the sympathizing will come naturally.

I just want you to know that I’m thinking about you now, like I do every day. I’m dreaming of the beach when I get to see you again and spend some real time with you and The B’s – two weeks from tomorrow! It’s the light at the end of the tunnel I like to call Finals Week. You are my light 24/7.

And no matter how many finals or papers or quizzes or exams I have to deal with, not an hour goes by that I don’t think of you and miss you and dream of seeing you. You’re on my mind and in my heart all the time, never forget it.

Wish me luck on this 10-page paper. As soon as you learn how to spell, I’ll be enlisting your help on my grad school papers. Beware.

I love you, handsome :)

In an hour, you’re going to be in town. In an hour, you’ll be in my arms. We’ll go dinner with The B’s tonight and play all day tomorrow. We’ll make memories and take pictures and I’ll tell stories and listen to you laugh.

This weekend, I’ll read you your letters in person :)