Merry Christmas Little Man :) you, my handsome goofball, are the best present I could have ever asked for. I love you very much and I hope you have a wonderful day!
P.S. – I know what Santa brought you today…
Dear Little Man,
As I’m sure you’ll hear many years from now, the world was set to end (for the hundredth time) on December 21, 2012. That’s today. I haven’t perished yet, as far as I can tell.
J and I planned out Christmas get-together last week and without really thinking, we said, “Hey, Friday works for me!” not remembering that “Friday” happened to be the end-all-be-all of world happenings.
Here is why I don’t accept the December 21st apocalypse theory (a.k.a The No-pocalypse):
- I haven’t graduated college yet. I’m set to graduate in May. I want recognition for all of the gray hairs I’ve earned in the past four years. The world cannot end until I graduate.
- I already bought Christmas presents with what little money I have. I did not buy presents with the anticipation that they would incinerate before they could reach their recipients.
- You can’t rent a car until you’re 25. For some reason, I’ve always wanted to achieve that milestone.
- I want you to be old enough to understand your circumstances: all about your adoption, how it came about, everything since then and everything in between :)
- I want you to be old enough to hug me because you wanted to, and not because I chased you down.
- I want to be a grandma someday. Not for 25+ years mind you, but still.
- I STILL haven’t found out who Ted’s wife is.
- I want to know how mortgages work before I die.
- Actually, maybe I don’t.
- I have never been to see the circus. Neither have you. Go together?
- I’ve always wanted to plan one of those super cute, kid birthday parties that you see on super-mom blogs and Pinterest. You know, the ones with the incredible handmade decorations, adorable cupcake toppers, cute gift bags, etc. In other words, I want to plan a party like J can.
- I’ve never read The Lord of the Rings series. The Boyfriend has informed me that this is unacceptable and possible grounds for a break-up. But I went to see The Hobbit with him earlier this week, so I think we’re still solid.
- I want to see what you’ll look like in a year. And in five years. And ten years. And twenty.
- I want to watch you graduate!
- I want to see if Sports Man grows up to work for ESPN someday. I’m putting money on that.
- J’s craft shop Out On A Limb is just getting started, and is WAY to cute to go up in flames today.
- Because Grandma M, Pop-Pop and I still haven’t decorated our Christmas tree yet.
- The Boyfriend is in a far away land called Cleveland, or The Part of Ohio Where the Browns Are. I’d at least like to give him a good-bye kiss.
- I want you to fall asleep on me like you did when you were a baby, just one more time. It’s the sweetest thing ever.
- I want to provide you with a half-sibling (or two) someday :)
- Because watching you grow is way too much fun to stop now.
But here’s the really good news about today. Whether it’s the end of the world or not, I get to spend it with you :)
And no matter what day it is — universally significant or not — there’s no place I’d rather be than with you and the rest of my lovely (extended) family!
Happy No-pocalypse Day!
I’m pretty sure this is the first picture The B’s ever saw of you. I took it with my phone the day after you were born and sent it to E’s phone. J said your chin was one of the first things she noticed too.
I really wish I could have been there to see them get that photo. It’s kind of like Christmas – you like getting presents, but you’re almost more excited to see the reactions of the people you bought presents for. I would have loved to have seen their first glimpse at you. But I got to be there the first time they saw you in person, and it was very cool. I got most of that day on film.
My excitement over sending them this picture reminds me of the beautiful side of adoption. Of course, the beautiful side is the side I have always seen, but there were times when the thought of adoption would make me cry, just at the thought of losing you. But I never did lose you. I never will, thanks to The B’s.
The side of adoption this picture reminds me of is the giving side. Babies and children that go up for adoption are these beautiful, angelic answered prayers. They aren’t” just babies” or “just kids.” They are miracles.
I spoke at an adoption convention for Bethany Christian Services a little less than a year after you were born. I was the only birth mother on a panel of adoptive parents and we were all asked to share our stories. Every single adoptive mother, father and family cried telling their stories. They cried because they were so grateful. They were so happy and felt so blessed to have their adopted children in their lives. These children were dreams come true for them and their happiness was so uncontainable, it couldn’t possibly fit into words. No matter what these parents had to do – no matter how long they had to wait or how much pain or sadness they had to endure, they stuck it out. Because to them, miracles such as yourself are worth more than all the pain in the world.
I know that you are an answered prayer for so many people in so many different ways. You are a gift. You came into this world destined to bring love not just to me, but to so many others. And to me, that is the beauty of adoption, especially an open one like ours. Love is spread. Dreams are realized. Prayers are answered. All because of one, tiny person that one brave woman was willing to share. I’m so glad I did, too. You were – and are – much too special to have kept all to myself.
If it were possible to thank the actual concept of adoption, I would thank it for allowing love to be spread like that. But most of my thanks is to you, for bringing joy to the lives of many, for being a ray of hope and happiness to all of your families.
You’ll have to ask your parents about that picture one day, and their thoughts and reactions when they first saw it. I’m sure it really was just like Christmas morning :)
You hate Halloween. I expect that to change not too far down the road, but for the two Halloweens you’ve had so far, you haven’t been too happy. Of course, you looked adorable. For your first Halloween you were a little over three months old and you were a pumpkin. This past October you were a giraffe. Apparently, you cried until the pumpkin outfit was removed that first year, and if the face you were making in the picture J sent me this year was any indication, you had similar feelings about your giraffe outfit. You may not like it now, but once the concept of free candy kicks in, I think you’ll change your mind about the whole ordeal.
My favorite holiday was always Christmas. Lights, decorations, presents, time off from school, the music, the food, the smell…nothing smells better than Christmas. Everything is warm and cozy and I stay in my pajamas all day (it’s a rule in our house – Pop-Pop 3 and Grandma M do it with me). I used to wait year round for it. I still love it.
I have a new favorite holiday though. It’s called Mother’s Day. Even before it applied to me, it always seemed like a bright and sunny holiday, probably because it’s smack-dab in the middle of Spring. But recently, my perspective on it has changed, as you may have guessed. I actually got a Mother’s Day card from your Aunt S when I was pregnant. It was really neat, but also really strange – I was going to be a mom. I feel like every parent probably has the Mother’s Day/Father’s Day moment when they suddenly realize that that applies to them now. Even though you know you’re going to be a parent, it still takes you off guard a little.
I used to worry about it. I used to wonder whether it was going to be weird. How do you celebrate a holiday like that when you are mom but at the same time…you’re not? I was a little nervous about the first one, but it was all for nothing, as usual. The B’s invited me down for the weekend so I could spend the day with you. J and I got each other cards and stayed up late talking (we do that every time I stay the night…when we’re not too tired). The next day we went to a women’s luncheon with Grandma M and talked about how thankful we were for you and for each other.
Personally, I’m looking forward to the days when you start making Mother’s Day school crafts – hand-made cards, painted flower vases, drawings that are just scribbles but still mean the world to the person who receives them. I know most of them will be for J but hopefully you’ll save one for me. But I don’t love Mother’s Day because I want anything from you, or anyone else - I love it because I am reminded of how much extra love I have in my life because of you. I hope you never underestimate how special you are, because you have connected so many people and enriched so many lives. I know I’ll tell you how special you are all the time, but I will never be able to tell you enough – you’ve changed my life for the better in so many ways, if I started listing them now, I’d die of old age before I finished.
So even though on Mother’s Day, children are supposed to spend the day appreciating their moms, it’s actually a day that we spend appreciating you.
But that definitely doesn’t mean that we would turn down breakfast in bed. Not trying to hint or anything.